Although this is a bit unusual, I've decided to begin this month's article, at the end, with a post script. The more I've read back over this in the weeks since it's completion, the more I've realized that in reality much of what I've been talking about does not JUST pertain to getting the job you want. No, much of what I have written so far also relates to how to get just about ANYTHING you want. So next month, the focus of my series will change slightly. The topic will be expanded to How to achieve anything you want to achieve...Having said that, let's begin! Last month we began our series (I didn't know it was a series either; but, it is now!) of effective job strategies by discussing the importance of valuing yourself! Now that you have learned how truly incredible you are, it's time to figure out what it is you want to do. Some of you may be shocked that I'm even bringing this topic up. You KNOW what you want to do. You may have always known what it is you want to do. You may just be trying to figure out a way to do it! If so, you are one of the lucky few. More commonly, individuals really don't know what they want to do (are you breathing a sigh of relief yet to find out you're not the only one). Oh sure, they know what they've always DONE, but what they've done may not be what they WANT to do. And when what you've DONE is NOT what you WANT you continually feel as though you're swimming upstream. You probably won't ever be as successful as you'd like to be. So the second step in our progression towards landing the job of your dreams is to determine what kind of job that is. Where do we begin? To some, the question, "what is the job of your dreams?" can seem so overwhelming. Maybe you've never thought of it before. Maybe it's been so long since you've had dreams, you've forgotten what they were. Maybe you're so buried under all of your responsibilities that having the job of your dreams seems more like a fantasy. Maybe..But it's time to dream again!! Perhaps we can take the first steps together and work towards determining what it is you really want to do. To start you're going to have to spend some time alone! I know that can be frightening for some of you but it's the only way. To determine what you really WANT to do, you've got to get back in touch with yourself. So find a quiet place or a quiet time to be alone. Okay, I know you moms are laughing at me right now. Quiet place? Quiet time? Right!!
There are only 24 hours in a day (no matter how much you sometimes wish there were more). And there's certain things you HAVE to do. You have to sleep (preferably 8 hours a day), cook meals, wash clothes, pay bills, keep house and work (either inside or outside the home).
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If you can find ways to accomplish the "have to's" more quickly (except the sleeping part), you can free up time to spend your way! That's what we're all about---helping you with the "have to's". There are so many demands on a woman today! We've got to balance children, family, work, home, and friends, to name just a few. It seems as though no matter how hard we try, there's never enough time for us. Yet we're told time and time again that if we don't take care of ourselves, we won't be effective in taking care of anyone else. The problem is, in the midst of managing our lives, we've forgotten how. And the LAST thing we need is one more long winded advice book offering the latest cure all. What we do need is a return to basics: in this case, a return to pampering ourselves just like we did when we were teenagers.
What can help??? A practical book filled with specific ideas:
to try
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to serve as a constant reminder to spend a little bit of time on ourselves daily.
It's time to take a few moments to get away from your responsibilities. It's time to forget, if only for an instant. Lose yourself in what you enjoy. Let "100 Ways to Pamper Yourself" show you how! This book is for all women who want to bring more joy, happiness, fun and passion into their lives. This book is for you! Order now and download your book within 5 minutes! The difficulty in maintaining a schedule and a routine is one of the most common complaints of a stay-at-home mom.
Picture, if you will: a frazzled mom sits down at the kitchen table with pencil and paper, ready to revamp the schedule she wrote for herself last month. Meanwhile, the laundry's piling up, the children have the playroom torn apart for the third time that morning, breakfast dishes are still sitting on the counter, and Mom hasn't even given a thought to what she might make for dinner that night. Do you see yourself in this picture? The difficulty in maintaining a schedule and a routine is one of the most common complaints of a stay-at-home mom. Look at the Bradys! Every morning Carol was dressed (in a dress, no less!), made up, hair was done, and she was ready to take on the day, before her six children left for school. Why? It's because she had Alice, the live-in maid. They even had time for a cup of coffee together on some episodes. Most of us can?t even visit the powder room without an entourage, let alone sit down with a cup of coffee. Many women simply function better when a sense of routine is in place; and likewise, they find it stressful when the routine gets shaken up or out of control. We?ll call them ?type A moms.? Their credo? ?I will have dinner in the crock pot by 10 am, five loads of laundry done by noon, and my bathrooms will sparkle by 2 pm. Today, I will teach my children how to quote Shakespeare, amortize a mortgage, and plant tomatoes that will grow to be the size of watermelons. Other women are very at home (pardon the pun) with being seat-of-the-pants homemakers. We?ll call them ?type B moms.? Their credo? ?I laugh in the face of peanut butter in the carpet, I scoff at bologna sandwiches stuffed into the VCR, and the gray flannel blankets that lay all over my furniture are my friends. Bring them on! Most of the women I know fall into the type A category, so I can only expound on this topic. The others, I?ll leave to a type B mom, who won?t get upset about the rice boiling over while she sits down to write about them. So, what can we do? How do we relieve our stress, brought on by not feeling in total control of our schedule? I can offer a few suggestions, and then I?ll go try them out myself. (Physician, heal thyself?) When you write your to-do list for the day, actually make three lists. On the left side of the paper, write down the things you must do, like call the pediatrician, pay bills, and buy diapers. Then, number the items in order of importance, with the idea that you will complete them in that order. NOTE: Be realistic about what ?has? to get done. Is it life threatening if you don?t complete a large cook-n-freeze project today? In the middle column, write down the things you?d really like to get done, such as weed the garden, straighten your basement, or clean the bathrooms. On the right side, make a list of fun things you?d love to do, such as crosstitch, write to a friend, read a book, or just meditate. Once your children are tended to for the time being, jump right in and start knocking through that list, explaining that Mommy has some things she must do, then she?ll be more freed up for the little ones. You?ll be amazed at the sense of freedom you?ll have, early in the day. You can then start on the second column. And try this ? for every two things completed, reward yourself with either getting down on the floor with your kids for 30 minutes or doing something from that right-hand column. Here's an important point: Be realistic. Know your own limitations. Don't be your own worst enemy by asking too much of yourself, whereby setting yourself up failure and bad feelings about yourself as an at-home mom. Build into your schedule some flexibility so that when things come up, as they do with small children, you can adapt with minimal stress. One closing thought: If your children do not nap anymore, or if they simply resist naps, at least insist on ?x? amount of quiet time, all by themselves. In order for you to be a loving mommy, you need a break, too. It may take a while for them to get used to quiet time, but it?ll be worth your efforts and diligence in the end. During that time, you can be whittling away at your to-do list ? even that right-hand column! Every family needs some structure. Set limits that work for you and your family. The first step in setting down realistic rules in your family is to understand your child's ages and stages of development. These are very important for two reasons: first, a child is much less likely to break rules that take into account his needs and learning abilities; and second, knowing that your expectations are reasonable gives you the confidence to discipline your child when he does overstep the mark. When rules work Children who are too young to understand the concept of rules really
don't benefit from them. Before your child is 2 years old, it's much easier to simply redirect his undesirable behavior rather than to try to stop it with a set of rigid rules. For example, if your child has a tendency to scribble on the walls, tell him that this is wrong and give him some large sheets of paper instead. You will find that being positive rather than negative usually results in a better chance of cooperation. Children find it easier to recall and obey rules when you tell them what you want instead of what you don't want. Saying Stay in bed" is better than Don?t get up now." Putting rules into play
The language of rules must be very clear and firm because your success with rule making very much depends on the way you phrase any request. For example, you can't make fuzzy statements like ?You can splash your sister at bath time, but just a little bit?. Imagine what's going to happen next! Often, parents undermine the strength of a statement by presenting it
as a question. "Keep your shoes on, okay?" wont work because your statement sounds ambivalent and will be interpreted by your child as if the final decision is his. Strict or permissive? The most extreme approach in disciplining children doesn't work because it doesn't promote self-discipline. A heavy-handed, authoritarian approach will just fuel resentment and can make your child rebellious. Over permissiveness, on the other hand, leaves children feeling neglected. Today, most parents want to strike a balance, but the question is how? A lot of new parents face a real dilemma. Intuitively they know they should be setting limits, but they're so aware of the need to see things
from their child's perspective that they are afraid to make demands on their children and set rules. Many of them end up negating their own needs in order to meet the needs of their children.
Question: What's one of the worst disasters to befall a teen? Answer: A mother who likes loud rock music.
Question: How can the situation be worse? Answer: When the teen hates rock music himself. There. Our role reversal secret is out. I like rock music. I like the VH-1 oldies variety. (In our house, Meatloaf is respectfully addressed as Mr. Loaf). I also like much of the newer music -- not rap or hip hop, but good old rock. Give me a driving base, a hummable melody, unintelligible lyrics, and I'm happy. This presents a problem for my seventeen-year-old son. The prime directive of all teenagers is to drive their parents crazy. It's in their contract -- right in between "Thou shalt not wash thy gym shorts more than once a year" and "Thou shalt not wear a watch when given a curfew."
One of the most effective ways of driving parents crazy is through contemporary music. Indeed, this method has a long and honorable tradition. Even eighteenth century moms used to complain, "Do you have to play that Bach so loud? You're going to break the harpsichord!" So what could my son do when faced with a rock-loving mother? His only recourse was to find a musical alternative I would hate. After dabbling in the Baroque, Rococo, Classical, and Romantic periods, he moved on to swing, jazz, and doo-wap. He started to get to me a bit with these but after a while abandoned them for the ultimate weapon. Gilbert and Sullivan. Yes, the pirates, the gondoliers, the gentlemen from Japan, the little maids from school, with all their cunning puns and tongue twisting lyrics. Gilbert and Sullivan -- cranked up as loudly as if my son were a head-banger listening to Megadeath. Not only am I forced to listen to G&S seemingly 24 hours a day, I'm bombarded with pithy comments and constant queries as to whether I "get it" and "like it." I dare not answer yes. I dare not answer no. Assuming the mantle of Gilbert & Sullivan aficionado with more gusto than Frasier Crane, my son has memorized an unbelievable number of lyrics. It's difficult to believe that the same teen who can't remember to hand in a note
to the office can sing, wholly from memory, all of "I am the very model of a Modern Major General." And that's just the beginning. He also warbles, with much delight, the song of "The Lord High Executioner," who has put all
the nuisances of the world on his execution list -- including women writers. However, like Dr. Frankenstein, my son has discovered that the monster he created has turned on him. How? He's begun to actually like the stuff. He now spontaneously sings Gilbert & Sullivan when he thinks the situation "calls for it." With so many lyrics from so many operettas, there seems to be a G&S response appropriate for every occasion. Well, okay, maybe not appropriate by common standards. But twisted to fit. I suppose I should feel a hefty measure of smirking satisfaction that what began as something to annoy me now holds such critical importance in my son's life. But what will happen during his upcoming college interviews when he's asked for his name? Will he break out into swelling song and declare -- in falsetto, of course:
"I'm called little Buttercup, dear little Buttercup, though I could never tell why;
"But still I'm called Buttercup, poor little Buttercup, sweet little Buttercup I."
Yale has its own Gilbert & Sullivan Society right on campus. Perhaps they'll understand.